Okay, so if you don't understand the title to this post, take a minute out of your life and watch the following video. As a guy with a puerile sense of humor and as a father of a little girl who loves Strawberry Shortcake videos, this is 100% pure comedy in my eyes.
So, last night was rough. Long day at work, pick up "Lil' Man" from daycare, feed him, feed me, give him a bath, Mrs. CB rolls in with "Swee' Pea" from dance practice, we tag team and I'm off to a meeting (not AA) for the rest of the night. Needless to say, I didn't have time to make any fucking buttercream. BUT, I did have a crazy idea, and I call that idea "da da da DAAAA" Bitch Puddin.
I already shared how I was a dumbass and tried shoving 10 lbs of shit into a 5 pound bag, and had to cut off the tops of my cake (which I reeeeally fucking hate to do). I'm left with about a half gallon ziploc bag of strawberry pound cake crumbs. I thought at the time, what the hell, I'll just send a couple of baggies of this in the kids lunches for the rest of the week. Then it hit me, if it doesn't look like cake, and not covered in icing, there's a real good chance the kids ain't gonna eat it, and that solves nothing. Plus, their teachers might turn me in for child abuse for giving my kids a shit dessert like that.
So, I had an idea. One of my Mom's FAVORITE desserts was bread pudding. A local restaurant makes a BANGIN bread pudding that we would always get and share. I've only made it once before (using some french bread and leftover cinnamon rolls) and it was probably the easiest and one of the tastiest fucking things I've ever made.
So, for your culinary pleasure, put your hands together for "da da da DAAA" Bitch Puddin:
2- fucked up muffin toppish bitches from the top of your cake (or a loaf of pound cake, or any other bread you may have laying around. If you want to use cinnamon rolls and need to top it off with some fucking challah, help yourself)
8 eggs
3 to 3 1/2 cups of milk
2 cups of sugar
flavoring (you can use vanilla, sprinkle with cinnamon, whatever floats your boat. since I'm using a strawberry pound cake as my base, I added about 1 tablespoon of Strawberry extract)
This is one fucking recipe you don't really need a hand mixer. So, using a fork, I beat the eggs, milk, sugar, and flavoring together. Then I broke up the chunks of pound cake into bite size pieces. Then I threw that into the bowl with the custard (oh... and check yourselves assholes. If you are using nearly 4 cups of milk, 2 cups of sugar, 8 eggs, and a pound cake, use the biggest bowl you have), and stir it around to coat the cake.
Then, I sprayed down 3 small loaf pans with Baker's Joy (shortening spray WITH flour, does pretty good most of the time) and poured in the mix. Let those bitches rest like Tupac for about 2 hours in the fridge, then bake in an oven preheated to 350 degrees for about an hour. Allow to cool a bit.
Now you can always make a cream sauce to go with this (cup of brown sugar, stick of butter and 1/2 cup of whipped cream, melted and simmered for about 5 minutes until thickened). As soon as they come out of the oven, I'll let you know if you've got to have something to hide the flavor.
My next post might be about how this was a fucking horrible idea and disregard this whole thing. But I've got high hopes for it.
Later bitches. BLAM BLAM
CB
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