FUCK YEAH CHOCOLATE CAKE

I told you I would do a cake a week. This week was definitely not easy, as I was traveling on business for three days, busy days at the office, rehearsals at night. Whew... It's gonna get worse before it gets better, but we got a fucking cake MADE!

So, I've got a confession to make. I've never made a chocolate cake before. When I'm baking I tend to stay in my comfort zone. Deliciously flavored pound cakes (flavors varying to my needs) iced with some form of buttercream or shortening based frosting. Tough to go wrong with that formula. Winner everytime and eyes tend to roll back in folks head as they throw on an O face with every bite. Yeah, it's that good. I've invoked the O face.



So, this past Christmas I was introduced to these right tasty oreo truffle deals. The premise is simple. Package of Oreos ground up, mixed with a block of cream cheese, and then balled up and dipped in candy chocolate. So really rich and oreo-y bon bons. I was traveling with a colleague who had said that he had some cake that a relative had made that had the oreo-cream cheese mixture in a chocolate cake. WORKS FOR ME.

So for Swee Pea's birthday this year I made my first batch of white chocolate butter cream, for her cake, and it WAS nice. I wouldn't throw it out all over the place, but for a raspberry filled cake (as her's was), it's a really good compliment.

So, chocolate cake, oreo truffle, white chocolate buttercream. Will it be a recipe for disaster or a epic winning?

So start off with your basic cake recipe.

"Best G*d Damned Chocolate Cake Ever"
2 cups white sugar
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water

Preheat your oven to 350. Prepare your pans. Wear fucking protection...


Mix all of your dry ingredients together. I just literally throw them in the bowl and give it a couple of turns with ol' whisk...



Add your wet ingredients one by one, until you get to the hot water. Before you add your water, it's looking pretty good, nice thick batter. Then you add a cup of BOILING water to the batter. It turns to fucking soup. Seriously. Shit's like thin pancake batter. DON'T WIG OUT. If CB says its okay, then it's okay. Roll with it and pour that bitch into your two prepared 9" pans. I would also recommend putting your pans on a cookie sheet. Once this shit starts rising in the oven, I thought for sure it was going to over flow. They didn't, but better safe then sorry. I spilled a chocolate chess pie in the oven once. I DO NOT want to have to clean like that again.

So 30-35 minutes later in the oven, and this is what you've got. SWEEEET.

Stick a toothpick in em, if they are clean, they are DONE.

Now, I think I'm either really going to need to get away from my cooking spray (or keep a bottle of baker's joy at the house). Because these cakes didn't come out of the pan nearly as nice as I wanted them to.



So from here I went ahead and made my truffle filling. SIMPLEST fucking thing ever. 1 8oz block of cream cheese, 1 package of oreos. Get your food processor, put in oreos. Turn it on. Remove crumbs to your stand mixer (you went to BB&B and bought one, didn't you?). Add a block of cream cheese. Blend till you can't see any cream cheese and the mixture looks like a big black turd.

The evidence:

Literally the best shit you will ever eat.

Ok. I've got a great friend (and awesome baker/pastry chef) over at accidentalpc.blogspot.com. She is my go to gal when I've gotten lost or can't quite figure out how to do something. The other day we had lunch and she gave me the courage to try TORTING!.

So, if you are a beginner like me she recommend the following method. Cake on a turntable, 2 toothpicks around the edge of each quarter acting as a guide to where you are going to: like so...

Here is a serrated knife. you should use it to cut the fucking tortes. like so...


Done. Do this on two cakes and know what you'll get? THREE AMAZING layers to put your delicious truffle filling. I'm sure it would be good with the truffle filling in one layer, but it is SMOKING HOT with three layers of this.

So, from here you assemble. Layer of cake, layer of truffle (I tried spreading it with my "spatchular" but it is way to dense. I ended up putting spoonfuls on the cake and using my fingers. They were clean. I didn't feel bad doing it) Another layer of cake on top of that, another layer of truffle, another layer of cake, another layer of truffle, then finish her off with the last layer of cake.

My white chocolate buttercream is super simple too.

Melt a 12 oz bag of white chocolate chips/morsels. You can double boil it, but how fucking easy is it to throw them in a microwave safe bowl and heat for 30 seconds on 70% power, stir, heat for 20 seconds on 50% power, and then additional time as necessary to melt. Fucking SIMPLE.

So, in your stand mixer mix a stick of butter and about 1 lb of confectioner's (powdered) sugar. Add a splash of milk or cream if it is getting too "tight". from here I like to add the melted chocolate. Blend and then slowly add additional sugar (about another pound) and milk as necessary to achieve your frosting. I made mine a little too tight and it really tore my cake up when crumbcoating.

Crumbcoat it, let it sit (you can throw it in the fridge for 30 minutes to really get the frosting to set up hard. (yes I have used the phrase HARD and O-FACE in the same post) Then put your finish icing on.

I decided I didn't have time to do much decoration for this one, so I just smoothed it out.


CB's two favorite things. "Fuck Yeah Chocolate Cake" and Yuengling.

Mrs. CB (who said that last week's strawberry cake was the best cake she had ever eaten) said that this cake is by far the best cake she is ever eaten. And she is a hard woman to please. We brought the cake to dinner with a large group of theatre friends, and the amount of "Oh My GOD's" at the table was quite fulfilling. Make this cake, RIGHT NOW. You won't regret it.

CB