I decided that since a had a free hour a better take advantage. The kitchen was a disaster, and "Bud" had fought me tooth and nail to get into bed, but you know what. That's how the Cake Bastard rolls.
So the night before, Mrs. CB, knowing what I was working on brought me some BEAUTIFUL looking strawberries. So, I quartered those bitches up and laid em down in the fridge with about a quarter to a half a cup of sugar. Then (and karma is a bitch) Harry & David delivered a box of fucking strawberries as part of our fruit of the month club. FML. Feast or Famine....
So, I microwaved two sticks of butter at 40% power for about 20 seconds to soften and threw those into my stand mixer. I then added about 2 lbs of confectioners sugar and blended at low.
While that was transforming into buttercreamy heaven, I whipped out my tool (immersion blender... what were you thinking?) and pureed up my chilled sugar coating strawberries. I ended up making waaaay too much and chucking over half of it. Anyway.
Before I pureed the shit out the strawberries
After I pureed the shit out of the strawberries
So, I slowly start adding my strawberry puree to the buttercream, and gave it a splash of heavy cream. Okay, I lied. I was checking out Facebook and wasn't paying attention and dosed it pretty good. So, my buttercream was looking a little on the thin side. Fuck me.... so I run to the pantry (keep in mind that Mrs. CB and Swee Pea were still at dance rehearsal) and I discover about 1/4 cup of powdered sugar. So, threw that it. I gave it a little taste, and personally, for me, the flavor just wasn't quite there. Beautiful color, but just not quite "strawberry-y" enough for me. Now keep in mind my buttercream was already on the loose side, and I'm out of sugar. So, I figured I'd break out the extract. I ended up adding about a tablespoon or so, and that brought the flavor right out. Niiiiice.
Right fucking tasty "Strawberry Buttercream"
Now I've got to assemble this bitch. After looking at the broken layer I had and the amount of crumb that I had already, I decided to forgo the torte-ing. So, slapped a dollop of buttercream on the board (covered in aluminum foil), placed my first (broken layer) and spread a layer of frosting. Now I've got this plastic 10 buck icing gun that I bought at Wal-Mart a few months back and filled that up with frosting, and using a simple tip, piped a circle around the outside edge to form a dam for my filling.
Reached into the fridge to grab my strawberry jam.... and I'm out. By this point, I'm probably a full frustrated 45 minutes into this disaster. I got loose cream (I swear that never happens), broken ass cake, and now I got no jelly. Then it hit me. Mom had made some freezer jam that I had been working on. Of course its in the back of the fridge, but it looks like it's gonna be enough to do what we need to do.
So, I open it up and I remember... I don't think Mom used quite enough gelatin or whatever the fuck you use to tighten jam up. This is more like a thick strawberry syrup. But what's our motto bitches? ROLL WITH IT. So, I spread that shit within the dam slapped the second layer on and crumb coated.
At this point I didn't feel like all was fucking lost... please continue...
Into the fridge it went. What the fuck, it's time for a smoke, so I took a break and came back inside to discover...
Icing dripping off the fucking sides.
Uneven layers
Jam running from between the layers fucking bleeding like a stuck pig
fan-fucking-tastic.
BUT, the icing was firming up. I pulled out this monstrosity put it back on the turntable and starting pulling it back together. Smoothing out the buttercream where I could. Adding buttercream where I needed to, that old chestnut. Back in the fridge it went where I said I wouldn't touch it for 30 minutes.
25 minutes later Swamp People had gone off and I decided I'd take a look. No more leaks, no more limp sides... looking pretty good.
Second coat of frosting and back in the fridge for 15 minutes. Pull out (again... will I ever get to finish?!) and it had developed a decent sugar crust and the icing was manageable. Now, to polish cakes, I tend to use a fondant smoother. If the frosting has enough sugar crust, with the fondant smoother I can press down the spatula marks and roll with it. But, I can't find my fucking fondant smoother. So, out the icing spatula and water comes, and after 5 minutes or so of smoothing, it looks decent enough to finish with a little trim around the top and bottom.
TADA.... done. finished.
Don't you fucking DARE tell me I need to use a smaller tip. I know this, but I don't give a shit.
TADA.... cut, tried, and approved. DELICIOUS fucking cake. Probably in all honesty one of the best strawberry cakes I've made. Nice dense layers, sweet filling, and strong flavored strawberry icing. Not to bad for a process that was fucked at the word go.
That is not only good looking, but fucking delicious.
Make it, cook it, frost it, and eat it. Just don't make the same fucking mistakes as I did.
CB
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